|
Monday, June 30, 2003 time: 8:19pm Post #45 Wow, its been awhile. Im not even sure if anyone comes to this site anymore. Well, one of the reasons i havent been posting is cause i got a new game, rise of nations, and its really fun and addicting. Thats been consuming all my computer time latley. Love life latly = nothing. No suprise, eh? Oh! im gonna make soemthing for my site. Ill finish this later! ~Steve Saturday, June 21, 2003 time: 5:00pm Post #44 This si the best day of summer. You know you got almost 3 months ahead of yah and it seems like forever. Im gonna try and treat very day this summer like a staurday during the week. Im not gonna waist any days doing nothing, and if i find myslef doing nothing, then i will call someone and go the the gym or something at least. Umm... as for a love life right now, not much is happening. Just reciently it hit me that there are so many different girls in the world. And alot of them are very beauitful. I am fully confedent that God has picked one of them out for me. that makes me happy :). Anyway, i ran today. i dont know how long ov is.... im just gonna say its 6. We played poker at matt laws last night. Taht was fun. I lost 5 bucks.... So if you ever wonna win a game of poker, jsut play me. Any way, im gonna go to the gym soon, so ill be back! ~Steve Monday, June 16, 2003 time: 10:34pm Post #43 Uhh, i think im in alot of trouble in my english class. I hope things end up ok there. Anyway. I spent all day today on my history project on Vietnam. It came out pretty good, but i scared the poo outta my group when i wasnt at school today. I didnt go cause i was so tired from rafting all weekend. I had a ton of fun, and got to hang out with a buch of college folk. If you see Yocum anytime soon, make sure you complement his nice tan. Work has been goen well. Im excited to get my first paycheck. Even though it will go strait to my debt, ill be happy to see my debt go away. My mommy jsut asked me if i could give kaycie a ride to work tomarow... If i did that i would ahve to miss work. That doesnt make much sense that i would have to miss work so kaycie doesnt. Well, i dont ahve to, so im gonna scooter to work like i did today. Im really stressen on my english grade. I guess the last day for late work was friday. Well, i have a project... Yes a Project i gotta turn in. I hope it works out ok. good night. ~Steve Wednesday, June 11, 2003 time: 9:55pm Post #42 These past few days ahve been every nice for me. For some reason these past few weeks i have not been having alot of fun with life. My relationship with god has been kinda dry, and i havent been in the mood to talk to many people. Well, these pas few days have been good. Im tried, and ready for school to be over, but tonight i did really well mentaly. Stephanie and i have been becoming closer friends, and that makes me really glad. After losing one, its nice to have someone to talk to again. Plus, i know Stephanie wont abondin me. Katie and i did well tonight as weel, had some nice talks, you know. Im worken now, at tesco. they make screen doors and windows and stuff. I do all the extra work that they need done, but the good thing is they actualy need me, unlike the church, or anyother place in america right now. So now i get to put in some hours, and get some money. I heard you have to be 18 for office depot, so that may be outta the question. Well, thats basiclay all thats happening so far, so please keep praying for me. Have a good night. ~Steve Monday, June 09, 2003 time: 2:37pm Post #41 Wow, today i saw annika and her new boyfriend. It kinda shocked me, and it made me really sad at the same time. I'm hurt, but glad at the same time, cause now i know im not gonna be the flavor of the week. Its funny, cause her x boyfirned desean from my track team dated her. his friend told him he had 2 weeks before she dumped him. They were wrong, it was 3. Thats dang close though :). Now she went through me, and now shes got someone new. All happening in a month time. I guess girls can do that when there as beautiful as she is. I was hoping i would find something special in her, and that she would find somehting in me. I was wrong. Oh well, i told her that my fealings came second to hers, and she held that to me. Now i have to try and be a man about everything, and get over her. Now there are two girls i know that make me feel uncomfertable when im around them: Annika, and Lindsey mitchel, whos phone number is in huge numbers on my wall. I covered it with track stuff ;) (gotta have priorities :) ). Its not like theres anything i can really do about it. there both girs that i met and started a relationship without a stong friendship, and i just ended up the loser both time. Now when i see them, all i can think of is the history, and how i felt when the looked into my eyes. Then it hurts me to know that they did not feel as strong as i did. Oh well, God has a plan... right now it hurts. ~Steve Monday, June 09, 2003 time: 12:00am Post #40 Sweet! im posting at exactly midnight. That is the most exciting thing that has happened to me on this site in the past 2 weeks. Today was such a good sunday. I woke up in the morning to mike hovering over me saying "Steve... its time to get up...." then his words started to trail off, and he left us at his house. Then after an hour i woke up again. Then i had to go pack up my computer, which is the worst part of any lan party, cause your all tired and gross fealing cause you stayed up till 3 in the morning drinking pop. So i had to run home to get my car to take my computer home. That part isnt that bad, cause it woke me up a little. I then went to chuch after taking a shower and doen some laundry. Church was fun, but no one was there, cause of the everett thing where the people run and kids jump and hillary runs into stuff. So i hung out with katie. then we went out to lunch at the alderwood mall. Then we went to kb-toys, the best store ever. Did you know theres a place where you can make teddy bears now? Kinda funny, i didnt find a evil death bear to make, so i didnt bother. Plus im poor. 260 in debt as of now. After lunch i went to bible study, and then we went to silver lake. That was fun, something different to do for a change. The floating docks were so gross. Poop all over it, and all these like 6th graders and a kid we nicknamed ... uh... dang i cant remember. He was waring jeans... but all these kids were like wrestiling and steping in the poop. Really sick. But we pointed that out to them, adn they all stopped and looked at us.... then went back to there poop stomping. After the lake we went to night of praise at the church, adn that was one of the best ever. It makes me so excited for ciy, cause we do that twice a day, everyday for a week. After that i came home and... wait, you ready for this? I did homework! yah baby, 3rd time this year. And nows its 12:16, and im getten up in 5 hours and 44 minutes, so ill talk later. good night! ~Steve Saturday, June 08, 2003 time: 1:03am Post #39 Im at a Lan Party right now, and its fun. so much fun that i wanted to take a break to talk about it... first i brought my computer ove at like 3:00. We got them working at 9:00. 6 hours of doing nothing except melt in the heat. We played a few games, and matt and marty were here for a little bit. Well, im goen back to games. See yah later! ~Steve Saturday, June 07, 2003 time: 12:16am Post #38 Ahhh, i jsut got back form the school dance. I had alot of fun, but alot of the girls io normaly dance with were not there, so I spent alot of time walking around looking for people i knew. I have never seen so many freshman... ever. That was horrifing. Anyway, i danced with anna most of the time. Shes a ton of fun to dance with, so it was cool. Alos they played my favorite song for any school dance. Sir Mixalot - Jump on it. That song owns me, you, and Glassett. I have 3 external fans aimed at my open computer case. It was over heating in this heatm so something had to be done. I also downloaded Matrix 2, but its not working, and im sad cause it took me 8 hours. Everyone else went to the drive in, and i wonder how thats going. I dont really feel left out, becasue the dance was fun. I jsut realized that i dont talk about how im fealing as much in this, but more whats happening. Well, i think its time for me to try and fall asleep, so ill talk later. Bye! ~Steve Wednesday, June 04, 2003 time: 6:22pm Post #37 Greetings. Well i have totaly enjoyed my time off as of late. I had my track banquet, and it went really well. I got 5 awards, so im pretty happy, and i spent about an hour redoing my wall with all my track stuff on it. Im redoing the kamiak xc webpage, and it looks really good. Im also gonna use the format for a history project in Reichenbach. Uhh... if you have anydieas about this site, tell me and ill see what i can do. Have a great night, and im gonna go work on the kamiak XC homepage. ~Steve Wednesday, June 04, 2003 time: 6:22pm Post #36 Im getten ready to go to youth group, in about 5 mins, so ill make this a quick post. Im really sore right now becasue i worked out hard yesterday. My fealings for Annika have gone down and right now i really dont like anyone. Im gonna lay low for a while, and see what happens. I think im gonna modify my no girlfriend beliefs. From now on, its "I wont date any of my good friends." It sounds kinda corney, but for now that will have to do. What im saying, is im not going to reject having a girlfriend, i just wont go looking for one. Yes marty, believe it too. Schools almost ever, and i cant wait. summer is going to be the best.... i think. I got money i need to make to pay of my debt, which sucks, but ill get around to it. Well, time to go! ~Steve Monday, June 02, 2003 time: 10:08pm Post #35 Today, Not a whole lot happened. went to school, and came home. No track, so now i have nothing to do. Well, today i went to tesco, to find that they dont ahve work for me. So i just did work at home for a while. My parents pay better as well, but yardwork sucks. I also get to go to 24 hour and actualy work out, and not just play pickle/racket ball. Hopefully ill start getten buff, but taht takes time... But now that track over i got plenty of time. I talked to Annika tonight and got the "wall" if you will. So thats pretty much over. Amazing how so long of having a huge crush can end so quickly. Well, this gives me a really good opertunity to read my bible more and build my faith. Life is always better when your walk with god is going well, and latly it hast as much for me. I'm gonna restart my quiet time. I wonna be ready spiritualy for CIY, cause i wasnt last year, and it took a few days for everything to click into place. this year i wonna be spiritualy ready going into CIY. Im gonna take a break from girls for a while, just like i was for the past few months. I guess im in that loop that jsut about every higschool guy is in. Well, Annika is the most beautifual girl i know, and its almost discourging. Because now im gonna "compare" my future girlfriend to annika. The same thing happend when i broke up... oops... got dumped by lindsey. I saw her bowling, and it was kinda wierd. Shes also a very pretty girl.. sorry. Anyway, im gonna try and trust god to take care of everything for me. Its not always as easy as i make it out to be. There are so many things i want for myself, but i know that there not right for me. Well, actualy i dont know, cuase somethings may acutaly come true. I Want to win state in something, but its not my will. Its gods, and if he thinks i can handle all the glory that comes with it, without getting pridefull, then he may make it happen. But its not my decision. Also, on a different topic, i dotn change stuff in this. If i type soemthing thats bad, well i make mistakes. And im not gonna go back and change it to make everyone think im perfect. Cause im not, actualy im far from it. Well, i had a good night, and i hope all of you do/did as well. Good night! ~Steve Saturday, May 31, 2003 time: 9:17pm Post #34 Well, im back from state. It didnt go as planed, and i ahd a bad race. My legs are tired, and im kinda glad track is over. But i know next monday, when we dotn ahve practice, im gonna miss it. State was great other than that. Got to hang out alot, and there are alot of pretty girls there. I bought some extra large sweat pants, and a sweat shirt. There both sweet. Hopefully thinks with annika and i will look up. I still like her, but we will see waht happens. Bye! ~Steve Wednesday, May 27, 2003 time: 11:07pm Post #33 Had youthgroup tonight. I was really nice to go back finally, cause ive missed it because of track. Katie and I are having fun again, but ahh knee kah is still on my mind. Things have not got much better sense yesterday. It's wierd, cause i like her, but i really miss what we had before. You know, the excitment of the relationship. Not knowing whats going to happen. Now after the drive in, our friendship seems almost fake, and i absoulty hate that. I do not know if she reads this, but there's not much I can do. I'm gonna try to be that good friend I wanted to be, but somethings sometimes arn't meant to be. Hilary helped me with taht without even knowing. Thanks. Matt j, Matt l, Marty, Alex, Mike, Evan, Steve F, Katie, and Hillary, thanks so much for all being there to help me when im in need. I value that so much. State tomarrow, dang... too much. But as i say, life is only as complicated as you make it. My life is simple.... my life is simple... just gotta keep repeating that... Good night! ~Steve Tuesday, May 26, 2003 time: 12:06pm Post #32 Today is a not fun day. I had an englsih project due and i failed to get it in. Then last night i wrote "her" a long letter and i quoted boys II men. Well, shes been avoiding me all day, and im hurt. I dont know how this all happend so fast, but ive been dumped before we were even boyfriend and girlfriend. Life can be hard, and sad alot. Its funny cause i tell people that these kinda things are not important in the long run. Being in situations like this, it makes me rethink my own advice. I like to think that the advice i give people is from god, and not me, but i bet thats not the case alot. Its funny, i asked katie about the whole situation, and she gave the advice strait up. she told me to shut up, figure out what you want, then deal with it. so we decided to get married this wed. yup married. Im fealing emo, har har har. I hope that all the good in my day that im not having was some how passed to someone else. Maybe you. Have a day full of steve's good. ~Steve Monday, May 26, 2003 time: 10:04pm Post #31 Well, ive been hurt. Again. Not by her, by me. I let myself go, and now i pay for it. God has a plan, and she was not in my long term agenda. so be it. Some things jsut arnt ment to be, oh well. I would like to humbly ask for you prayers. I messed up, and i need god's forgivness. ~Steve Monday, May 26, 2003 time: 3:46pm Post #30 Wow, alot has happened this last week, and ill try to go in order. Lets see.. my last post was tuesday... so wed.. ah yes I had districts. Well, on we all i had to run was the mile, 800, and 4x400. Itall went really well. First i got the school record in the mile with a time of 4:23.19. The old record was 4:25.5 set by travis boyd. Then in the prelims for the 800m i got 1st with like a 1:58 or somthing. Our 4x400 team didnt do great but oh well. Then the next day i did just about nothing in pracitce. Then of friday i had a half day. so being the cool guy that i am, i went home and took a nap. i woke up 15 minutes fefore i had to be on the bus for day 2 of districts, so i was rushen pretty bad. After running to the school i made it. I didnt have to run the mile, so that was nice cause i could jsut focus on the 800. I knew it was gonna be a really fast and close race, because all the times wer with in only a second or 2 of eachother. And me and Sam Brancheau (from Wedwood) were the only 2 people in finals from wesco south! Well i had a realy good race, god permiting, and i was ably to get a 3rd place, which makes it to state! My time was 1:55, which was really shocking, cause that was the goal i set in the beginning of the year. i didnt hink i was gonna get it, but i just was able to run a steller race and do what i needed. I felt really bad after thought because sam dropped the mile so he could focus on the 800m. He got 4th, so he didnt make it. So i asked my coach, " have youe ver felt bad for beating someone?" He told me to shut up. But i felt alot better when his 4x400 relay team made it. Marcus also made it in the open 400m, and chase made it in the discus. So now were off to state, so be prayen for us! no school thur or fri because of it! woo hoo! Ok, in other news, on friday night i spent the night at matt j's house and we just hung out, and blew some things up. The on sat, we went to the gym, and that was about it. I spent alot of time doiung chores to pay off my debt to my parents. Almsot there, only $274 to go! We did the same thing on sat night, spent the night and blew things up. We also had 2 xboxs so we had some fun with that. I think matt got in trouble and i feel kinda bad. I should be taking some of the blame. If you read this matt, im sorry you got busted. Well anyway, we had to get up at 8:30 so we could get to church on time for our student leadership meeting. yocum siad he yelled as somone there, but i dont know what hes talking aobut. The next service was fine, nothing special. After church we went to dicks for lunch, then krispykreams for .... more lunch. Matt threw up, it was sweet. Then that night we went to the drive in movie. I took annika and i had lots of fun. I havent talked to her today, but maybe i will tonight. Well, now here i am today. I ran, and now im gonna do chores. Woo hoo, well ill be back soon. Bye! ~Steve Tuesday, May 20, 2003 time: 5:35pm Post #29 I am so tired. for some reason i have not been able to sleep well these last few nights. I think im sick, but i cant be cause this is the week of districts. Im having alot of mixed fealings right now about alot of differnt things. Normaly i like school, but latley i have not enjoyed any of it. I have really been looking forward every day to talk to annika, but im not sure about how she feels, so im trying to be carefull. But in a way, thats the fun part! I hope that things go ok in districts, but of course god has a plan and anything that happens was meant to happen. So it's pretty much out of my control. Anyway, have a good week. So tired.... ~Steve Friday, May 16, 2003 time: 10:13pm Post #28 Well i got 3rd in the 800. Oh well good day. Lets see... what happend today that made it good. I did a speach in english and that went really well. Talking with annika right now, still. But its fun, she makes me laugh, and i had fun talking to her a bunch during the meet, but i felt bad cause we were talking in the field, and she was trying to warm up. Stupid Steve. Oh well, anyway, im not doing anything tonight cuase im just that cool. I was gonna go to my soccer game tomarow, but then i remembered i had a broken foot, oh wait! thats not me! ~Steve Thursday, May 15, 2003 time: 9:41pm Post #27 Today was a good day. Actualy, i should start with yesterday because that would make mroe sense. Yesterday was Wesco South championships in track. It went pretty well, i got second in the mile with a 4:27, and i won my flight in the 800 at 2:00, which is all i needed to win. Then i missed youthgroup, but i guess its alright. I had fun watching spady act psyco like he never took his medicine. so that was yesterday. today was really easy in track, basicaly ran to the track and back. then i got home nad basicaly talked with annika for about 8 hours encounting. Shes a fun girl to talk with, and we found out that we have alot of the same points of views on relationships. I aslo opened up to her, and shared a dark secret that no one really knows about, so that was a step outta the comfort bubble. Its fun to have someone to talk to for that long. I hope sometime we can hang out or something. Tomarow is Wesco Champs Day 2, and all i really have to run is the 800m finals, which doesnt matter, cause i already made it to districts. Well, ill keep you all posted on new stuff. Have a great night! ~Steve Tuesday, May 13, 2003 time: 4:09pm Post #26 Well, i went back to school today, to find out that rumors had already gotten around. Oh well, some people just never learn huh? I did what i could to straiten it out. Last night i downloaded the third eye blind cd. Its pretty good. today in track was a pretty simple day, jsut liek yesterdays track workout. Now the team has been cut down to a few people, and i miss the group. Next year is gonna be tough after losing everyone, especially Keely. Latly i have grown really close to her, but after wesco, i wont see her much anymore. Hopefully we will go bowling and such. And camping! oh thats gonna be so much fun! I need money, cause i have a buch of things i need to pay for. My hard drive is officaly failing, which is depressing, cause now i need 80$ to find a new one. Plus, i have to pay for my car, cause i bent so many freaken wheels. I hate wheels, we need cars with treds like a tank. No bent wheels that way baby. WEll i have wesco champs tomarow, and i know god already knows how well im gonna do. So, i hope everything works out ok. See yah all later. ~Steve Monday, May 12, 2003 time: 1:35pm Post #25 Everythign is ok now. After taking a day off from school to think, and talking with my dad, I have figured everything out. I have some extra temptations that i lost control of at the drive in, and im sorry for everyone i hurt. If you would like to ask me any questions about the issue, please talk to me. But please dont start rumors, because all those lead to is pain. Matt, thanks for giving me the encouragement i needed to get through this last night, and hillary, thanks for trying to understand. I want everyone to know that when i said i lusted for katie, i did not mean that like it comes off. I talked about how im not dating anymore, and how that has taken off alot of pressure from my life. The only thing i need to worry about is the temptation of lusting for katie, among other girls. So, please dont misinterprate that. Once again, if you ahve any questions about that, please ask me. I will not delete my post from yesterday, because that is how i was actualy fealing. I have never deleted a post, or any part of it. I want everyone who reads this journal to be able to understand the real me, not the me i want you to see. When i make a mistake, i will leave it there for you all to see. Once again, thank you to everyone who helped me get through this situation, and i will be praying for all of you, and i would appreciate it if you kept praying for me. Have a great day everone. ~Steve Sunday, May 11, 2003 time: 11:07pm Post #24 I am so angry right now, nothign is working right at all. I want to just release my ange right now some how. Im breaking down, something that has not happened to me in years. I jsut cant seem to take everything! I want to cry, but i cant... I jsut want it all to be over! For all you people who read this, i hoe you do understand that im a pig, and that i do ahve problems with lust. You wonna judge me on that? freaken a, may the first one to throw the stone be sinless. Im crying for the first time in almsot a year... I try so hard to be as perfect as i can, but i guess thats not enough, cause when i have a freaken fault everyone knows it. Yah, i post my problems on this website, and you all read it, well guess what. It keeps me accountable. It forces me to improve myself, but now i have gotten to the point where i am overwhelming myself... i want to succed as a good friend. I want to succed as a runner. i was to succed as a sun, but most of all, i want to succed as a christian. Freaken a, i jsut dont know what else to do... i cant type anymore... please pray for me. ~Steve Wednesday, April 30, 2003 time: 4:50pm Post #23 For the record, i did try to post a journal entry, but the webpage thing started to skrew up, then the period ended, and i coulnt save it, so there was some stuff in there, but it all happened a few days ago so i realy dont remeber except for some of the stuff like the track meet i ran at last saturday, which i am still sore from becasue i ran a 1:58 in the 800m dash at 5:00 at night which i think is too late for a race, but then i got to hang out with som edmonds woodway guys because it was just heather and i from kamiak there and i never got to talk to her because we were sitting at oppisite sides of the stands, and there was a ton of people there like 126 school or some otu ragous number like that which makes it really hard to get something to eat cause all the fastfood restraunts are full except for kfc because no one wants to eat chicken except for me and matt jacobs whos house i went to to spend the nigth at the night before but it would make sense to keep this journal entry in cronological order jsut like you should at school which i dont ahve to go to for 2 hours each day which has been a ton of fun because of the testing so i have been able to go home each day and get some stuff done like get a job which i did today but i dont start till after track season when i can really dedicate some hours to make screen doors and the really cool thing about the company is that it is close by unlike church whish is like a 15 minute drive but youth group went really well today becasue yocum did a really good talk cause his parents were there and the worship songs were good, and it was fun to talk to him after and give him some advice on what i fell the youthgroup is doing, and i also gave advice to katie, but it was bad advice and i didnt realize it till i was done talking to her but i aplogized today and she gave me a really good hung and i have never got a hug like that from her but i felt really good unlike matt who has a tummy ach which i should have because i ate so much candy tonight and it would be even worse if i went to basken robins 31 because there giving out free scoops of icecream and marty was there and we weret alking on the phone and all i could hear was a bunch of yelling but thats all i hear anyway but atleast i can hear unlike keely, who i feel really bad for because she had ear surgery and now she cant her and she looks like shes really uncomfertable which is how i felt during track today but in a different way casue my ears wenrt bleeding but i felt really tired and tight but we only had to do 2 400's but im mad cause i didnt get in the full workout but talkign to ahh knee kah made things a bit better, because now im actualy talking to her a bit more and i gave her a cd and i drew picutres on in that atleast i think are funny, but this kinda sucks cause i just realized that my journal page is getting too big and thats why i coulndt post last time i tried so that meens i have to make 2 journal pages which sucks but ill do it because i love you all so everyone have a great night. ~Steve |